How to Actually Get What You Want in Your Relationship, Part 2

(Missed Part 1? That’s cool, just catch up here.)

Welcome back to the second half of How to Actually Get What You Want in Your Relationship! So glad you could make it.

So last time, I gave you a four-step formula for getting what you want. What I’m going over this week is three pointers for when you’re using that formula on your SO.


Tip #1: Remain Calm

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I know – easier said than done. Keeping your cool is a lot easier when you prepare ahead of time, before the talk. Practice deep breathing. Focus on bringing your mind back to reason so it doesn’t get caught up in emotions. And no, it’s not just you – the other person has to take a chill pill too. If they’re raising their voice or having any other extreme emotional reaction, it’s absolutely okay to ask for a break and regroup.

Tip #2: Hold Your Ground…

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Babe – you got this. You’ve put a lot of thought into it, rehearsed it in your head, and what you have to ask is real and important. Believe in yourself! You are confident, competent, and deserve what you’re asking for. Now go stand in the mirror and tell that to yourself ten times. Rinse and repeat.

Tip #3: …Until You Find Common Ground

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Maybe your partner is willing to meet you halfway. Is that okay with you? If so, it’s totally fine to agree to those terms. If they offer you a plea bargain, though, and you’re not satisfied, you can do one of two things: 1) start this process over, again or at another time, or 2) accept that your partner has denied your request, and decide how you’d like to proceed.

This article is based on a behavioral therapy system developed by Marsha Linehan. Read more about her work here.

Have you tried this? Has it worked for you? Let me know in the comments. You can also email me or DM me on Instagram – let’s talk!

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